Loss

On a normal Tuesday, during a normal, happy afternoon chat with my mom, everything changed.  She frantically hung up on me because there was a call coming in on her other line.  She saw the area code for Arizona, but it wasn't my brother's number.  It was the call she had worried about getting since he moved alone to Arizona 8 years ago. 

 

Daniel had been found unconscious by his co-worker when he returned from lunch that day.  He had eaten something that apparently set off a severe allergic reaction.  Paramedics were called and they got his heart going again, but he never regained consciousness.  My mom, sister and brother flew down from Michigan that Friday, knowing they were going to say goodbye.  It was heart-wrenching.  They officially disconnected the life-support on January 22nd.  Daniel wasn't yet 38 years old.

 

 

My sister was able to stay with my mom at Daniel's house for a full two weeks and my trip overlapped so I got to see a bit of her.  (I missed seeing my older brother by just a day.)  A sweet friend of mine offered to watch the boys for the 4 days Chris had to work and I was able to put my work on hold.  I flew out last Monday and stayed for 8 days.  It wasn't long enough.

 

Daniel's wishes were to be an organ donor and also to be cremated, so we honored his requests.  Here's a picture I took of my mom and sister as we scattered some of his ashes in the backyard.  They were reading a lovely poem I found.

 

 

Daniel was a big animal lover and had three cats.  My sister took his favorite, Kringer, back with her to Michigan and we had to give the other two to a rescue organization in AZ.  Here's a picture of Kringer on the way to the airport.  He doesn't look enthused about seeing snow for the first time, does he?

 So rarely do I have pictures of me and my sister or mom taken, so I snapped a couple while I was there.  It was odd to be kid-free for over a week and I missed them terribly, but I know it was a special time for us to spend together even though it wasn't under the best circumstances.

It was my first - and most likely my last - trip to AZ.  I have never been out West because I always thought of it as dirty, dusty and hot.  Since I was there in January/early February, I was wrong about the "hot" but right about the rest of it.  I was happy to get back to the snow in Wisconsin because I know soon I'll see the lush, green spring season I love so much.

New Beginnings

 

 

 

Don't you just love the new year?  It feels like a fresh start and who doesn't love those?

 

 

I don't want to make resolutions per se, but just think more before I do things (or don't do things.)  I said that in 2012 I wanted to be more deliberate, and I am going to stick with renewing my commitment to that in 2013. 

 

 

One of the things that's becoming increasingly important to me as my children grow is teaching them about God.  Especially with the older boys being 9 and almost 8, I know I am facing my last window of opportunity to really impress on them the need for faith in their lives. 

 

Several months ago, I got the idea to make these off Pinterest:



 

Prayer Pail with printable prayers

I love these things!  They are the centerpiece of our kitchen table and every night when we have dinner I ask the kids to draw a prayer stick if they want to.  William is always the first to do so and it's really improved his reading skills.  The 7 year old neighbor girl, who is often here for dinner, also loves these.  She started out barely able to read them, but she's gotten a lot better and is a more confident reader now.  By having this in the middle of the table, we have a visual reminder to stop and give thanks to God for all that we have.

Since my husband works afternoons and I'm primarily in charge of bedtime, I've started spending 1/2 hour or so reading from a childrens Bible.  We got one from our church library a few weeks ago and have gotten through most of it.  In the new year, we are going to start devotions.  I've ordered these two books from Amazon and am excited to get them!

I've never consistently done devotions in my own life, so this will be new for all of us.  I love that time spent with the boys because I get to learn right along with them.

What about you?  Anything new you're doing in 2013?

Unanswered Prayers

Five years ago today, I was crying.  I cried for all the things I knew I would never have in my life:  frilly dresses and hair bows, dollhouses, first pedicures, secrets about cute boys in school, lunches at Olive Garden, helping someone pick out a dress for prom.  I'm embarrassed now to say that I was crying five years ago on December 14th because for all the things I didn't have, here's what I did have:

 

He was beautiful and perfect and I wasn't as grateful as I should have been for him because I had been wanting something else so very badly.  What I got wasn't expected, but it didn't take me long to fall in love with this little blue-eyed boy.

 Although I had a hard time adjusting to the idea of another boy at first, his brothers were instantly thrilled.  Sammy wasn't yet three but LOVED babies and was so happy to have one in the house. 

 They say little boys love their mamas, but I've never known love like he has for me. He ADORES me and the feeling is mutual.  Who wouldn't love this face?

Another reason I'm so grateful I had a boy on December 14, 2007 is because if I'd had a girl, I would have been done.  So without William, there would be no Luke.  And, oh, how the world would be less beautiful without that little sweetheart! 

Although I still get wistful thinking about all the things I'll miss not having a daughter, I am blessed so much more than I could have ever imagined being.  They are my whole world.

Bringing Home the Tree 2012

We try to wait for it to snow, but for the second year in a row it looks like we might have a green Christmas....or at least won't get snow until just a couple days before.  So we went to cut the tree down today at our favorite tree farm near our house.  The sledding hill used to be our boys' favorite part, but for now they have to settle for Sydney, the friendly old dog that hangs out and greets people.

 

They told me they had been hard hit by the drought this summer and had lost between 6,000 and

8,000 trees.  The trees we chose from were from their second planting of the year but I couldn't really tell.  They all looked pretty good to me, but ultimately we chose this one:

 We looked around for a while, but when I saw this one I was inexplicably drawn to it.  I couldn't say why, but I immediately knew it was the tree for us and refused to look at any others.  Chris started to cut it down when we realized it had been inhabited.

I heard somewhere that finding a bird's nest is good luck.  I definitely took this one as a good omen for the upcoming year.  I am going to put it back in our tree once it's all decorated.  Maybe I'll even find a little bird for it.

 

Tomorrow will be a busy day celebrating this little guy's 5th birthday...

 

Happy (almost) birthday to my sweet William!

A Christmas Reminder

Our pastor read this poem at church today and I thought it was a great reminder to make sure we focus on the true meaning of Christmas, which is "love."  I have a million things to do, but the most important thing I can do for my kids is slow down and be present with them every day.  As Sharon says in the poem, toys come and go, but it's the time spent with my kids that will remain in their memories forever.  Lasting traditions are born from time spent together.

 

 

 

1 Corinthians 13 Christmas Style

©By Sharon Jaynes

If I decorate my house perfectly with lovely plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights, and shiny glass balls, but do not show love to my family – I’m just another decorator.

If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals, and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love to my family – I’m just another cook.
If I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home, and give all that I have to charity, but do not show love to my family – it profits me nothing.
If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties, and sing in the choir’s cantata but do not focus on Christ, I have missed the point.
Love stops the cooking to hug the child.
Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the husband.
Love is kind, though harried and tired.
Love doesn’t envy another home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.
Love doesn’t yell at the kids to get out of your way.
Love doesn’t give only to those who are able to give in return, but rejoices in giving to those who can’t.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.
Love never fails. Video games will break; pearl necklaces will be lost; golf clubs will rust. But giving the gift of love will endure.

When Should I Stop?

"It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings." - Ann Landers


I have a question for all those moms out there, particularly those who have older or grown children:  When should I stop?  As in, when should I stop putting toothpaste on their toothbrushes to make sure they ACTUALLY brush their teeth?  When should I stop making EVERY. SINGLE. meal and pouring EVERY. SINGLE. drink for them?  When should I scale back on the one-on-one attention when it comes to all schoolwork?  When should I stop doing their dishes and laundry and expect THEM to start doing things for ME for a change?  When (if ever) will I stop feeling so incredibly overwhelmed?

I don't remember a single morning in my childhood when my mother got up and made us breakfast.  She certainly never reminded me to brush my teeth.  I can probably count on one hand how many times she made me lunch to take to school.  (Which is how I ended up with a horrible sugar addition, packing myself nothing but King Dons and Ho Ho's all those years!)  What I remember of those hectic school mornings was the four of us getting up and ready all on our own and she coming down the stairs just a few minutes before we left for the bus stop to watch us out the window as we ran down the street.  And if we ever missed the bus???  Let's not even talk about when THAT happened!
Having to actually DRIVE us the five miles to school?  Oh, the HORROR!

William will be 5 in a couple of weeks and Luke is only 3, so I get that they have a few years yet before they start stepping up.  But Sammy is almost 8 and Owen will be 10 in July - isn't it high-time they start fending for themselves a little bit?  What's a mom to do, when I know that without me to remind them to brush their teeth they will literally NEVER do it?  I don't think they'll starve without me to prepare their meals, but do I really want them eating nothing but Animal Crackers all day?  And school....don't get me started on the school!  It's 5:30pm as I type this and Owen is on his 4th hour of working on his writing assignment.  He had to make 30 index cards, each with one fact about speedskating, and it took him over 2 hours.  I feel like I can't get ANYTHING else done these days and it's affecting my psyche.

So, please weigh in here.  Should I expect more of them?  If so, how do I get started?

Animals

Once upon a time, his name was "Opie."  He quickly became "Ope a Dope," and then simply "Dope."  He was Dope for years, but the kids recently started calling him "Bushy."  I think it fits him, don't you?

My beloved Scrabble, the best dog in the WORLD!  It's hard to imagine life before he came to live with us.

Owen's birthday present this past year.  He also went through a first name:  Milo and Pickles at first, then Owen settled on Toonces.  We brought him home from a barn near our home in July and he's growing fast. 

If you ask me on a good day, I will tell you we have three animals living in our home.  On a bad day, there might be as many as 7 or even 8 (sorry, Chris!)  Having animals and children at the same time is a lot of work and sometimes aggravation, but I think it's worth it to teach kids about respecting life in all its many forms.

Owen, especially, really loves animals.  He doesn't always handle them as gently as Chris and I would like him to, but in his heart he would never want to hurt them.  He's completely enamored with his kitten and the feeling is mutual.  Every night as I'm settling the boys down for bed, Toonces shimmies up the bunk bed rail and snuggles in with Owen. 

 In addition to our pets, there are lots of other critters the boys play with outside.  They really love catching toads and frogs in our basement windows and there's never a shortage of them when it's warm outside.  Salamanders are also popular.  I don't even mind when they catch the occasional snake, as long as none of these things come in the house and they are sure to release them from their containers before they come inside for the night.

I had a few pets growing up.  My first pet was a guinea pig named Herman.  I was 7 when we got him and I loved him so very much.  He caught a cold and died only about 1 1/2 years after we got him. 

The next pet we got was a cat named Martha, a stray my dad brought home from work.  We only had her for about 2 years. She went insane and started attacking my sister and brothers, so my parents had her put down. 

My parents finally relented and got me a puppy when I was 11.  Her name was Anna and she was a purebred Lhaso Apso.  Oh, how I adored her!  I put little barrettes in her hair and walked her up and down the street and EVERYONE had to stop and tell me how cute she was. She bit my brother so my parents had her put to sleep after we had her for about 4 months.

We had a cat and a dog during my high school years that my parents also put down.  The cat had urinary issues and was having a lot of accidents in the house.  The dog we had for 4 years until my parents moved into a new house that didn't have a fenced in yard.  And my dad refused to get him neutered so he growled and snapped. Goodbye to both of them.  There was another cat they were going to put down, a beautiful black one, but I found her a home with my friend.  Thankfully, she finished out her life happily on a farm.

Only one animal - other than the guinea pig - actually made it to die of natural causes at our house.  It was Muffin, the cat we got when I was 11.  She was beautiful and sweet and, honestly, an angel here on earth.  She was in my senior pictures, that's how important she was to me.  I cried almost every night at college for the first month, I missed her so much. 

I was on my way home from work one day and my brother called to say that she was going into liver failure and my mom was going to have the vet come to put her down.  The whole family met at my parents' house to say goodbye.  I remember crying to my boyfriend at the time and he said "You'll have other cats."  (Super sensitive, I know.)  But I said, "I will never have another cat from the age of 11 till 24." 

Pets in your formative years are so very, very important.  They teach you how to love and take care of someone and put their needs before your own.  They listen quietly and attentively when you tell them all your secrets, all your problems.  I can't tell you the number of times I came home from bad days in high school and buried my face in Muffin's fur, crying as I listened to her purr.  She taught me that just being there for someone is the best comfort in the world.  I counted on her to be there for me and she always was. 

I hope my kids learn lessons like this from our animals.  And I hope Chris and I are able to teach them about the responsiblities and commitment that comes with pet ownership.  The payoff for all of us is well worth it.