The Last of My Truths

I'm just going to wrap up this whole truth thing so that I can be done with it and stop feeling guilty for not blogging every day. I apologize in advance for the lengthiness of this post.

**Note to self: it's unrealistic to think that a working mother of 4 boys under age 7 can find time to sit down at the computer and come up with anything even halfway coherent to say on a daily basis.

Day 20 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
I have never been into drugs (although I love to sniff a good marker, gasoline and turpentine!) but have indulged in a few cocktails in my time. I like to have a drink now and then, but the lure of it isn't very strong anymore because of the headache I know I'll wake up to. I'll do just about ANYTHING to avoid a headache? (amazing, coming from someone who willingly had 4 kids, huh)

Day 21 - Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
I immediately forget what the argument was about, of course. What friend wouldn't?

Day 22 - Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.
Oh gosh! I could go on and on! I try not to dwell on regrets, but I guess if I had to narrow this down to just one thing I would wish I hadn't believed so much in other people. I keep my expectations of people pretty low these days so as not be as bitterly disappointed as I used to be.
(I also kinda wish I hadn't had that pie and ice cream last night. Did I really need another 400 calories on top of what I already consumed yesterday? )

Day 23 - Something you wish you had done in your life.
Again, I could go on for a long time with this one. But one thing that always bothers me is that my grandma died in a nursing home at the end of January, 2004. I hadn't gone to see her since NYE that year. Sure, I was working full time and Owen was about 6 months old so I had other things on my plate, but I've always felt badly that I didn't appreciate my time with her more when I had it. I miss her.
BTW, I'm hoping that 2011 will bring quite a few changes in my life so that I have LESS of these "things I'd wish I'd done" by the time I'm in a nursing home. I'll keep you all posted!

Day 24 - Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.
This could be a long post, but I'm just going to go back to the songs I've chosen for my boys. These are the songs I've sung to them since they were babies and will be the songs we dance to at their weddings someday (God willing)
Owen: "You Belong To Me," the Vonda Shepard version that's on the Ally McBeal Soundtrack
Sammy: "When You Tell Me That You Love Me," the Diana Ross version
William: "May You Always," by the McGuire Sisters
Luke: "The Love of My Life," by Carly Simon

Day 25 - The reason you believe you're still alive today
God loves my mom and knows it would kill her to attend my funeral. Seriously, that's what I believe to be the reason.

Day 26 -Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Yes, I've thought about this? Hasn't everyone? But I'm glad I didn't because I now have four beautiful boys and I prefer to focus on them and all the other blessings in my life than the hard times I've been through in the past.

Day 27 - What's the best thing going for your right now?
Anyone reading this blog knows the answer to this one.

Day 28 -What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
I'd be SHOCKED for one thing, but of course I'd be excited and thrilled. What other reaction is there to have when God blesses you with a new life to cherish?

Day 29 - Something you hope to change about yourself and why.
I could go on and on about this one, too, but I will stick to the one thing I want to be and that's more patient. I think a lot about that line from "Evan Almighty" when God (Morgan Freeman) says to Evan's wife (Lauren Graham) that if you ask God for patience He doesn't give you patience; He gives you opportunities to BE patient. I have a TON of those and I apparently need to make better use of them!

I'll save Day 30 for next week, since it's a long one. Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!

Some Quick Truths

Ok, so I'm way behind on the truth-a-day posts. I'm going to try to quickly catch up all at once:

Day15 - Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.

This would have to be chocolate. I went without any sweets for Lent last year and it just about killed me! I'll have to come up with something different for this year.

Day 16 - Someone or something you definitely could live without.

I could live without having to work all day and be away from my family. Sure, it would be a financial struggle but I really think it would be worth it.

Day 17 - A book you've read that changed your views on something.

I don't know if this counts, but I really enjoyed reading "What Falls Away" by Mia Farrow when I was in my early 20's and that book led to my love of autobiographies. Reading it made me realize how every person has their own struggles and how much more alike we are than different. I highly recommend that book to anyone. I didn't know much about her when I picked it up from the library, but she had a VERY interesting life to say the least!

Day 18 - Your views on gay marriage

Being Christian, I am fundamentally against gay marriage.

Day 19 - What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

I think both can be used for good and both can be used for evil. Both become much more dangerous the more power they are given. I guess that's because both are operated by people, who are inherently flawed.

I do go to church and pray for our politicians. I'd like to believe they are good people and can avoid the temptations that come with being in power, rather than believe they are bad people who are only interested in power.

Ok, that's enough truth for one day. My mom arrives today (WOO HOO!) and will be here for 10 days. I should do a pre-mom weigh-in and let you know how many pounds I pack on while she's here.

Have a great weekend!

Sammy is Star of the Week!

My Sammy is Star of the Week in his kindergarten class this week. On Monday he had to bring in his "All About Me" poster and then every day this week he gets to be teacher's helper and bring different things in to let his class get to know him better. Tomorrow he's bringing in little rubber frogs. How are those representative of Sammy, you might ask. Well, he has a "froggie freckle" on the inside of his right arm. It really is shaped like a frog and what's great is it was HIM who pointed that out to us!

Here are a couple pictures of our little star in his classroom.
His teacher's name is Mrs. Gunderson and she just loves Sammy's sense of humor. She "gets" him, which is so nice.

We're so proud of our Sammy and can't believe he'll be 6 in just a couple of months. Where has the time gone???

SUYL - My office

I need to break up all these days of truth with some pictures, don't ya think? I'm getting bored with my OWN truth, so I can only imagine how both of my faithful readers feel! ha ha!

Anyway, I did a post of this last year but here is my office again. I consider this a "Show Us Your Life" post because really, this is the place I spend the vast majority of my waking hours. (sad, I know.) It's recently gone through a bit of a renovation so take a look and let me know what you think....

Here is the view from the hallway outside. Our photographer friend, Matt Mason, gifted us a 2nd canvas to put in the window so it balances out the other one. I'd gotten used to just having the one and it being off-center, but now I just LOVE having it look more symetrical. Not to mention, the images used were from MY wedding. (Well, not actually mine, but one I put more effort into designing than my REAL wedding so I claim it as MINE.)

Once you go down the steps into the office, to your left you see this:Those two small round tables on the left used to be set on the wooden floor, which I'll show you in a minute. The table in the back used to be near our desks. It's where we (my officemate and I) meet with clients and show them photo albums of weddings we've hosted. The shelving unit on the far wall holds brochures from area vendors, which is also very helpful when touring prospective brides.

Below is the odd wooden floor that was part of the room when we moved in. It's a strange shape and we were never sure what to do with it but I think I found the perfect solution. The mock head table looks fantastic there, don't you think? I also hung the paper lanterns left over from one of our brides over it. We get asked about hanging those all the time so it's great that as soon as a bride walks in, she sees we are #1 up on trends, and #2 able to do this for her.
This is the table at the center of the room that was set-up by our friend at M&M Events out of Chicago. Derrick is so much fun to work with and we always look forward to his visits. Isn't that centerpiece stunning? He didn't give us a price on what that would cost to reproduce with fresh floral, but I'm guessing it would be upwards of $1,000.00. WOW! Our local florist told us the large branches in the middle at cost are $80 each and there are THREE in it. Derrick did tell us that each stem of the lily of the valley is $10. Amazing!

Sadly, we have come to the end of my tour and the last stop: my desk. Oh, how pathetic it looks in that sad corner up on its cinder blocks! Yes, folks, this is where I spend 9+ hours a day. NOW do you understand why I so long to be a SAHM? Rather than being here all day.... I could be with these guys... Oh and in case you're wondering, I LOVE my stand-up desk! I really can't imagine going back to sitting down all day. There've only been a couple days when I've had to go to work sick that I've longed for a chair, but most days I'm sooooo glad to be standing. And by the end of the day, I don't feel badly AT ALL for plopping myself down on the couch for an hour or two. I deserve it!

More truth tomorrow....

Day 12 of Truth: Something You Never Get Compliments On

There are lots of things I never get compliments on, but I will go back to my last post and say that I almost never get compliments on being a good mom. My own mom is about the only one who ever tells me I'm doing a good job.

This is extremely hurtful to me because #1, I know it's the most important thing I will ever do in my life. And #2, I harbor a tremendous amount of guilt because I have to work a minimum of 47.5 hours per week at my job.

Of course people (including those close to me) probably don't realize I NEED to hear that I'm a good mom every so often, but my insecurities get to me and I feel like the reason no one's saying it is because it must not be true. I struggle with this just about every day.

Days 10 and 11 of Truth

I missed yesterday, so let's catch up:

Day 10 - Someone You Need To Let Go, Or Wish You Didn't Know
Again, with the negative topic! JEESH! I'm just going to skip this one.

Day 11 - Something People Seem To Compliment You The Most On
The physical trait people most compliment me on is my smile, which I'm sure has to do with my teeth, as mentioned in a previous post. I think as far as a character trait, I get the most compliments on my sense of humor.

But the compliment I'd MOST like to hear is that I'm a great mom. I don't think I could possibly EVER hear that enough!

Truth Day #9: Someone You Didn't Want To Let Go, But Just Drifted

Oh my gosh, I could go on FOREVER with a list of people who've made such a great impact on my life but who are no longer around. There was this guy I worked with at Little Caesar's when I was in my late teens. His name was Scott and we laughed every day virtually from the moment we punched in until I drove him home. He lived a block away, but often we had to continue whatever we had been laughing about all day so I'd have to take him home.

Then there was Helen, this really nice lady I worked with when I was in my late 20's. It was a hotel near the Detroit Airport. Again, this is someone I mostly remember laughing with all day, someone who made going to work a true pleasure. I miss you, Helen!

But I think the person who stands out most in my mind is my friend, Michelle. We had been good friends since we were 12 years old when I transferred to her school. We remained friends through all the ups and downs of high school and into our 20's. When I got married, we didn't see each other as much but remained close. As we get older, it's not as important to see people all the time but I just knew she and I were still friends. She got married shortly after I had Owen and we always joked about when we were old widows we'd get an apartment together somewhere and argue all the time (as friends who are more like sisters often do!)

After I moved to Wisconsin, things went south quickly. It wasn't the geographical change, it was more what was going on in her life. Her marriage wasn't going well and she struggled with infertility. I'd make an effort to spend time with her when I visited family in Michigan, but she never wanted to see me if I was with my family. She confessed to me, finally, that it was "very difficult to be around kids and especially babies" since she so badly wanted one of her own. Her marriage has since ended and at 38, I'm sure it's very difficult for her to accept that she's not at all where she wanted to be in her life. I stopped making an effort to reach out to her and we haven't spoken in over a year.

I've felt so hurt by this. As my friend, shouldn't she have put aside her own feelings and be happy for me that I have a family? I'm certain we would still be friends if I were still single, but I can't put my own dreams on hold just because she is unable to fulfill hers. Anyway, it's very sad because we had been friends for 20 years and now we casually ask mutual acquaintances about each other, but neither of us reach out directly.

I've thought about sending her a Christmas card this year (with my kids' faces blocked out, of course) just to let her know I'm thinking about her and wish her all the best. What do you think?