When Should I Stop?

"It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings." - Ann Landers


I have a question for all those moms out there, particularly those who have older or grown children:  When should I stop?  As in, when should I stop putting toothpaste on their toothbrushes to make sure they ACTUALLY brush their teeth?  When should I stop making EVERY. SINGLE. meal and pouring EVERY. SINGLE. drink for them?  When should I scale back on the one-on-one attention when it comes to all schoolwork?  When should I stop doing their dishes and laundry and expect THEM to start doing things for ME for a change?  When (if ever) will I stop feeling so incredibly overwhelmed?

I don't remember a single morning in my childhood when my mother got up and made us breakfast.  She certainly never reminded me to brush my teeth.  I can probably count on one hand how many times she made me lunch to take to school.  (Which is how I ended up with a horrible sugar addition, packing myself nothing but King Dons and Ho Ho's all those years!)  What I remember of those hectic school mornings was the four of us getting up and ready all on our own and she coming down the stairs just a few minutes before we left for the bus stop to watch us out the window as we ran down the street.  And if we ever missed the bus???  Let's not even talk about when THAT happened!
Having to actually DRIVE us the five miles to school?  Oh, the HORROR!

William will be 5 in a couple of weeks and Luke is only 3, so I get that they have a few years yet before they start stepping up.  But Sammy is almost 8 and Owen will be 10 in July - isn't it high-time they start fending for themselves a little bit?  What's a mom to do, when I know that without me to remind them to brush their teeth they will literally NEVER do it?  I don't think they'll starve without me to prepare their meals, but do I really want them eating nothing but Animal Crackers all day?  And school....don't get me started on the school!  It's 5:30pm as I type this and Owen is on his 4th hour of working on his writing assignment.  He had to make 30 index cards, each with one fact about speedskating, and it took him over 2 hours.  I feel like I can't get ANYTHING else done these days and it's affecting my psyche.

So, please weigh in here.  Should I expect more of them?  If so, how do I get started?

Animals

Once upon a time, his name was "Opie."  He quickly became "Ope a Dope," and then simply "Dope."  He was Dope for years, but the kids recently started calling him "Bushy."  I think it fits him, don't you?

My beloved Scrabble, the best dog in the WORLD!  It's hard to imagine life before he came to live with us.

Owen's birthday present this past year.  He also went through a first name:  Milo and Pickles at first, then Owen settled on Toonces.  We brought him home from a barn near our home in July and he's growing fast. 

If you ask me on a good day, I will tell you we have three animals living in our home.  On a bad day, there might be as many as 7 or even 8 (sorry, Chris!)  Having animals and children at the same time is a lot of work and sometimes aggravation, but I think it's worth it to teach kids about respecting life in all its many forms.

Owen, especially, really loves animals.  He doesn't always handle them as gently as Chris and I would like him to, but in his heart he would never want to hurt them.  He's completely enamored with his kitten and the feeling is mutual.  Every night as I'm settling the boys down for bed, Toonces shimmies up the bunk bed rail and snuggles in with Owen. 

 In addition to our pets, there are lots of other critters the boys play with outside.  They really love catching toads and frogs in our basement windows and there's never a shortage of them when it's warm outside.  Salamanders are also popular.  I don't even mind when they catch the occasional snake, as long as none of these things come in the house and they are sure to release them from their containers before they come inside for the night.

I had a few pets growing up.  My first pet was a guinea pig named Herman.  I was 7 when we got him and I loved him so very much.  He caught a cold and died only about 1 1/2 years after we got him. 

The next pet we got was a cat named Martha, a stray my dad brought home from work.  We only had her for about 2 years. She went insane and started attacking my sister and brothers, so my parents had her put down. 

My parents finally relented and got me a puppy when I was 11.  Her name was Anna and she was a purebred Lhaso Apso.  Oh, how I adored her!  I put little barrettes in her hair and walked her up and down the street and EVERYONE had to stop and tell me how cute she was. She bit my brother so my parents had her put to sleep after we had her for about 4 months.

We had a cat and a dog during my high school years that my parents also put down.  The cat had urinary issues and was having a lot of accidents in the house.  The dog we had for 4 years until my parents moved into a new house that didn't have a fenced in yard.  And my dad refused to get him neutered so he growled and snapped. Goodbye to both of them.  There was another cat they were going to put down, a beautiful black one, but I found her a home with my friend.  Thankfully, she finished out her life happily on a farm.

Only one animal - other than the guinea pig - actually made it to die of natural causes at our house.  It was Muffin, the cat we got when I was 11.  She was beautiful and sweet and, honestly, an angel here on earth.  She was in my senior pictures, that's how important she was to me.  I cried almost every night at college for the first month, I missed her so much. 

I was on my way home from work one day and my brother called to say that she was going into liver failure and my mom was going to have the vet come to put her down.  The whole family met at my parents' house to say goodbye.  I remember crying to my boyfriend at the time and he said "You'll have other cats."  (Super sensitive, I know.)  But I said, "I will never have another cat from the age of 11 till 24." 

Pets in your formative years are so very, very important.  They teach you how to love and take care of someone and put their needs before your own.  They listen quietly and attentively when you tell them all your secrets, all your problems.  I can't tell you the number of times I came home from bad days in high school and buried my face in Muffin's fur, crying as I listened to her purr.  She taught me that just being there for someone is the best comfort in the world.  I counted on her to be there for me and she always was. 

I hope my kids learn lessons like this from our animals.  And I hope Chris and I are able to teach them about the responsiblities and commitment that comes with pet ownership.  The payoff for all of us is well worth it.

Zoo Day

We took the day off school on Friday and went to the Henry Vilas Zoo in Madison.  I love this zoo, even though we've only been there once before.  It's got lots of animals and is small enough for little legs to not get too warn out, plus it's FREE!  You just can't beat that when you have four little ones!

 

My friend also has four kids and homeschools, so they went with us.  Here's a picture of all of them as we got off the carousel.  I splurged on this - $1 a person.  What a bargain!

 

 

Luke LOVED it!  He picked out the "gullilla" to ride on and refused to let me lay a hand on him to steady him.  He's 100% independant now.  I asked him once if he needs me at all anymore and he said "I need you for to kiss."  (not a typo, that's what he said.)

 

 

 

It was semi-cold and rainy, but guess what?  The kids didn't care one bit. 

I love it when they show me how little those things matter.

Totally Random Update

Just a brain dump today:

1.  Love, love, LOVE that I befriended the librarian.  Not only is she super funny, she recommends the BEST books!  I am friends with her on Goodreads and FB now, so she can let me know the minute something new comes out that I have to snatch up immediately before others get wind of it.  (Such as "Gone, Girl" which I've been waiting for to come in FOREVER!!!  People, PLEASE!  If I, the mother of 4 with two jobs, can finish book in 2 days and get it right back into circulation, YOU. CAN. TOO!!!) ***I will do a post soon with the most recent books I've read and loved.

2.  All 3 of my older boys are LOVING their schooling.  Virtual school is absolutely wonderful and I'm soooo glad it's an option for us.  Owen and Sammy are thriving and actually starting to take responsibility for their own learning.  Self-motivation = MAJOR WIN!!!  And William is absolutely LOVING preschool.  He prides himself on being the best-behaved kid in the class and his teachers adore him. 

3.  Double cortisone shot to my foot today.  The pain comes and goes and now (hours after the shots) the pain is gone and I just feel like my foot weighs 80 lbs.  Hopefully it will loosen up by tomorrow.  The dr told me some people live with these neuromas forever and just come in every few months for the shots to keep the pain at bay.  Lovely.

4.  I'm trying to chip away at redecorating in the quickest, easiest and CHEAPEST way possible.  Painting the foyer, hallway and small bathroom are first up on my list.  Then maybe new curtains and covering my beloved red bench, which is COMPLETELY wrecked now thanks to our kitten.  I did hang a printable I found on Pinterest today.  It's got me so inspired!

5.  Two weddings signed so far for 2013, with two more "in the hopper."  And I still have two more to work before the end of 2012.  So it's still busy, even as we get into the off season.

6.  I am considering, despite my rigorous reading schedule, to get into this new show "Nashville."  This fall, I have only started watching "Survivor" and "Revenge," my two favorites from last year.  I am somewhat keeping up with "Revolution" but it's not a big deal to me if I miss it.  Oh, and I do also love the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders show on CMT, but that's a short season so it won't be on much longer AND it's forever in reruns if I miss an episode. 

Overall, life is good.  The boys are at such amazing ages right now and I'm frantically trying to record everything cute/sweet that they do.  The other day Luke told me "Your kisses make me happy."  Likewise, Luke.  Likewise.

Napping

My boys have always taken naps - always.  I have people say to me, "You're soooo lucky your kids nap.  Mine haven't napped since he/she was X months/years old."  Really?  Am I "lucky" my kids nap?  Or have I actively promoted naps so that they actually ENJOY them? 

 

 

I'll be the first to admit that getting Owen to nap - and in his own crib - was challenging.  But we had NO CLUE what we were doing with him.  They give classes in diapering and changing a baby, but where's the class in getting a baby to sleep without rocking him?  I didn't get that mastered until he was close to a year old and I already knew Sammy was on the way.  I DEFINITELY needed to get my act together!

 

So with Sammy, we had him on a schedule from the time he was just a few weeks old.  This was not a regimented schedule, but we had a general idea of when he needed to nap during the day and he was very secure in knowing what to do. We'd put him in the crib, pull the shades and he was out.

 

Napping babies in a crib (cage) is one thing, though.  Getting them to nap in a bed without getting up is what I think a lot of parents struggle with, which is why you hear of people who don't even nap their two year olds.  I can't IMAGINE not giving a toddler a nap - please note that I said "giving" a nap, not "making" him take a nap.  It's just not a forced thing in my house.  My kids know that and they actually LOVE laying down each day after lunch.

 

I have each of the little ones select a book of their choice and meet me in my bed.  We throw a blanket over us and I cuddle in the middle.  This is where we do most of our reading and how I taught William to read so early.  We spend a good 1/2 hour reading and then we nap together - yes, TOGETHER!  I give myself permission to sleep with them in the middle of every day, even though of course I have a million other things I could be doing.  I deserve a nap, too, and I take it.  Sometimes it's 10 minutes, sometimes it's an hour.  But I need it as much as they do, and it makes me a better mom to them for the remainder of the day.

 

So to those people who say their kid won't nap, I ask them if they've ever tried laying down with them.  Instead of making it a part of the day that the child feels isolated and abandoned alone in their room, make it a wonderful quiet time to cuddle with and talk to your child.  And if you get a little rest, too, well that's just a bonus.  I have always enjoyed my naps with the boys and will be VERY sad when they come to an end.

 

I'm on Pinterest Crack

Is everyone out there on Pinterest now?  I try not to get too caught up in it, but it's difficult.  I am especially exasperated by all the perfect, organized homes out there - how on earth do these women do it?  I don't think they REALLY have kids, or at least not kids who make messes, refuse to clean up, fight, spill food/drink, pee their beds, etc. 

I know that I had a VERY different expectation of what staying at home would be like.  I would sit at my desk all day, dreaming of menu planning, clipping coupons, organizing every last inch of every closet.  Yeah, RIGHT!  It's a struggle to keep up with the gobs and gobs of laundry and TRY to make a meal that doesn't make the kids GAG!  (The spaghetti tonight went over pretty well, which was surprising.)

But one thing I am LOVING about Pinterest is all the wonderful gift ideas for Christmas.  Money is tight these days (probably for everyone) and homemade gifts are the way to go for us.  I'm not going to go into details because my family, who may be the recipients of these gifts,might be reading but I'm getting excited to get going on them.  Sure, it's going to be challenging to find the time to make them, but that's part of the gift - my time, which everyone knows is so very limited. 

I still can't wrap my brain around the fact that summer's over and Christmas is just a couple of months ago.  Where has 2012 gone???

"The Babies"

We still call them "the babies," even though they're really not anymore.

 

Luke insisted on a big boy bike for his 3rd birthday and I must tell you, it's hard to deny that brown-eyed boy anything.

He races around the driveway faster than William who will be five in just a couple of months.  But I guess that's how it works, the younger one always trying harder and then succeeding in keeping up with his older brother.

 

We've seen it before...

 

Look how proud our little Sammy was!  He was more like 2 1/2 here and Owen was just past his fourth birthday.  It will forever kill me that I was at work too much to really appreciate them at this age, so that makes me even more determined to soak in every moment I have with William and Luke. 

 

They all say it and it's so true:  It goes by too fast.