Definitions

My mom sent me this cute email today. Thought y'all would like it, too!

Definitions


(These fit so well they should be in a dictionary.)


ADULT

A person who has stopped growing at both ends

and is now growing in the middle.


BEAUTY PARLOR

A place where women curl up and dye.


CHICKENS

The only animal you eat before they are born

and after they are dead.


COMMITTEE

A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.


DUST

Mud with the juice squeezed out.



EGOTIST

Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.



HANDKERCHIEF

Cold Storage.


INFLATION

Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.


MOSQUITO

An insect that makes you like flies better.


POLITICAL CORRECTNESS

A doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority,

and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media,

which holds forth the proposition that it is

entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.


RAISIN

Grape with a sunburn.


SECRET

Something you tell to one person at a time.


SKELETON

A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.


TOOTHACHE

The pain that drives you to extraction.


TOMORROW

One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.


YAWN

An honest opinion openly expressed.


WRINKLES

Something other people have....similar to my character lines.


OLD

I very quietly confided to my friend that I was having an Affair.


She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?"


And that, my friend, is the definition of 'OLD'!!!