Discouragement

Yes, I have a job - two jobs, actually - but I am primarily a homemaker.  It's something I spent many hours at my desk job dreaming about doing.  I was so excited when I quit that job.  I couldn't wait to cook meals and clean and organize my house.


Almost three years later, I laugh at my excitement for such tasks.  Discouragement has set in BIG TIME! 


Cleaning the house is an exercise in futility.  The only time it ever seems really clean is when the kids are gone.  If they're here, it's a matter of minutes - no, seconds! - before they throw something somewhere it's not supposed to be.


Organization?  I LONG FOR IT!  But there aren't enough hours in the day for me to get this place organized.  If I do have time, the most important thing to organize would be my "home office," but that would be really hard to do, considering I don't even have a desk with drawers.  I have a two drawer filing cabinet with only one working drawer.  My files sit in paper boxes on a table.  Pathetic.


The worst discouragement, though, is with regard to cooking meals.  I cannot begin to explain how disheartening it is to NEVER (and I do mean NEVER) make a meal that everyone here likes.  And it's not just that they don't like it - it's that they complain LOUDLY when it's something they don't like.  The list of things they won't eat is staggering!


 A friend of mine with four boys the same ages as mine posted yesterday on Facebook about how excited she was to make spaghetti for the kids because she loves to see their big smiles.  Big smiles?  Mine make gagging noises. 


The BEST I can hope for is for two of the four to tell me the meal is "not bad."  Since I started staying at home, I have completely abandoned any sort of love - or even tolerance - I had for cooking.  In fact, I don't even like it when the kids ask me what's for dinner when I'm in the kitchen.  Too many times, my response has been answered with "EW!" or "Can I have something else?"  So I end up snapping at them just for asking.


My husband has been working afternoons for some time now, so I've given up trying to make anything decent.  It's usually some variation of pizza (either a frozen one, or put on  crescent rolls, bagels, etc) or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  But now Chris will be working a day shift that allows him to be home in the evenings and that's a whole different ball game.


You would think, perhaps, that life would get easier with another adult her to eagerly eat whatever I serve.  WRONG!  The list of things Chris refuses to eat is almost as lengthy as the boys':  no sour cream, cream cheese, mayonnaise, cream soups in ANYTHING!  Even the slightest hint of any of those things and he won't touch it.  As far as meat goes, he wants almost nothing but red meat.  He will eat ground turkey in lieu of hamburger, but is VERY particular about chicken.  He will eat a little once in a while, but all fat has to be completely removed.  Dark meat?  NO WAY!  Sausage and/or pork he will tolerate, maybe once a week.  And both he and the kids agree on the fact that almost all vegetables are disgusting.


I have given up on the idea that I can ever prepare a meal that I enjoy myself, but the fact that now I'm responsible for making FIVE people meals that they may or may not enjoy.  I don't want meals to be redundant, but there are only about 3 or 4 that they will all eat.  And anything they won't eat the first time, DEFINITELY won't go over on Day 2.  Wasted food is an almost daily occurrence around here.


I'm just having one of those days and it helps to write about it.