It's so hard to believe it's almost August now. July was a blur: we left for Michigan on July 3rd and we (the kids and I) were there until the 14th, when we came back to Wisconsin with my mom. Chris had to come back on the 8th to work, so we spent almost a whole week there without him. My mom just left yesterday, so today was our first day back to normal in almost 3 weeks.
So now that the whirlwind has subsided, I am in a total funk. Why? At first I really wasn't sure what has been bothering me. Maybe I am missing my family and "home" (Michigan), I thought. But that can't be it - it's been five years since we moved out here and I absolutely love it. I literally thank God every day for the beautiful sunrises, peaceful lakes and winding country roads I get to experience out here. Why would I miss metro Detroit?
Could it be just that I miss the excitement of getting up and having fun every day? Our vacation was GREAT - we went to pools and waterparks and a parade, had a birthday party for Owen and just generally enjoyed the change of scenery. The kids were extra good because they were never bored. Now that we're home and it's been so darn hot, they're cooped up in the house and getting into some mischief. Could this be why I feel so "off" emotionally right now?
Today I really thought about what it is and I really think I've figured it out: I miss girls. When we were in Michigan, I got to spend time with my mom, my sister and all my nieces. It was SO WONDERFUL to have other females to talk to and commiserate with. Although I love my boys desperately and am SO BLESSED to have them, but there are many days that I just feel like a fish out of water here in this testosterone-filled house.
There are no quiet days of coloring books, no watching "Xanadu," no shared pedicures. It's wrestling and sparring, Star Wars and laughing at various bodily functions. I get the occasional night out with my girlfriends, but once a month (or less) doesn't curb my appetite for female companionship. When I worked full time, I shared an office with my friend Hayley so I was fine. But now, I feel so alone. It's not adult company I need - it's FEMALE company. I know this because I enjoyed so much the time I spent this month with my nieces ranging in age from 6 to 17. I can RELATE to them so well and I guess it makes me a little sad (again) that I'll never have a daughter.
I hope this post doesn't make me seem ungrateful for all the wonderful blessings in my life. I just needed to get this off my chest. Hopefully these feelings will subside and I'll be able to enjoy my weekend with my boys.