Friday, November 26, 2010
**Note to self: it's unrealistic to think that a working mother of 4 boys under age 7 can find time to sit down at the computer and come up with anything even halfway coherent to say on a daily basis.
Day 20 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
I have never been into drugs (although I love to sniff a good marker, gasoline and turpentine!) but have indulged in a few cocktails in my time. I like to have a drink now and then, but the lure of it isn't very strong anymore because of the headache I know I'll wake up to. I'll do just about ANYTHING to avoid a headache? (amazing, coming from someone who willingly had 4 kids, huh)
Day 21 - Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
I immediately forget what the argument was about, of course. What friend wouldn't?
Day 22 - Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.
Oh gosh! I could go on and on! I try not to dwell on regrets, but I guess if I had to narrow this down to just one thing I would wish I hadn't believed so much in other people. I keep my expectations of people pretty low these days so as not be as bitterly disappointed as I used to be.
(I also kinda wish I hadn't had that pie and ice cream last night. Did I really need another 400 calories on top of what I already consumed yesterday? )
Day 23 - Something you wish you had done in your life.
Again, I could go on for a long time with this one. But one thing that always bothers me is that my grandma died in a nursing home at the end of January, 2004. I hadn't gone to see her since NYE that year. Sure, I was working full time and Owen was about 6 months old so I had other things on my plate, but I've always felt badly that I didn't appreciate my time with her more when I had it. I miss her.
BTW, I'm hoping that 2011 will bring quite a few changes in my life so that I have LESS of these "things I'd wish I'd done" by the time I'm in a nursing home. I'll keep you all posted!
Day 24 - Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.
This could be a long post, but I'm just going to go back to the songs I've chosen for my boys. These are the songs I've sung to them since they were babies and will be the songs we dance to at their weddings someday (God willing)
Owen: "You Belong To Me," the Vonda Shepard version that's on the Ally McBeal Soundtrack
Sammy: "When You Tell Me That You Love Me," the Diana Ross version
William: "May You Always," by the McGuire Sisters
Luke: "The Love of My Life," by Carly Simon
Day 25 - The reason you believe you're still alive today
God loves my mom and knows it would kill her to attend my funeral. Seriously, that's what I believe to be the reason.
Day 26 -Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Yes, I've thought about this? Hasn't everyone? But I'm glad I didn't because I now have four beautiful boys and I prefer to focus on them and all the other blessings in my life than the hard times I've been through in the past.
Day 27 - What's the best thing going for your right now?
Anyone reading this blog knows the answer to this one.
Day 28 -What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
I'd be SHOCKED for one thing, but of course I'd be excited and thrilled. What other reaction is there to have when God blesses you with a new life to cherish?
Day 29 - Something you hope to change about yourself and why.
I could go on and on about this one, too, but I will stick to the one thing I want to be and that's more patient. I think a lot about that line from "Evan Almighty" when God (Morgan Freeman) says to Evan's wife (Lauren Graham) that if you ask God for patience He doesn't give you patience; He gives you opportunities to BE patient. I have a TON of those and I apparently need to make better use of them!
I'll save Day 30 for next week, since it's a long one. Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!
Friday, November 19, 2010
Day15 - Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.
This would have to be chocolate. I went without any sweets for Lent last year and it just about killed me! I'll have to come up with something different for this year.
Day 16 - Someone or something you definitely could live without.
I could live without having to work all day and be away from my family. Sure, it would be a financial struggle but I really think it would be worth it.
Day 17 - A book you've read that changed your views on something.
I don't know if this counts, but I really enjoyed reading "What Falls Away" by Mia Farrow when I was in my early 20's and that book led to my love of autobiographies. Reading it made me realize how every person has their own struggles and how much more alike we are than different. I highly recommend that book to anyone. I didn't know much about her when I picked it up from the library, but she had a VERY interesting life to say the least!
Day 18 - Your views on gay marriage
Being Christian, I am fundamentally against gay marriage.
Day 19 - What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
I think both can be used for good and both can be used for evil. Both become much more dangerous the more power they are given. I guess that's because both are operated by people, who are inherently flawed.
I do go to church and pray for our politicians. I'd like to believe they are good people and can avoid the temptations that come with being in power, rather than believe they are bad people who are only interested in power.
Ok, that's enough truth for one day. My mom arrives today (WOO HOO!) and will be here for 10 days. I should do a pre-mom weigh-in and let you know how many pounds I pack on while she's here.
Have a great weekend!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Here are a couple pictures of our little star in his classroom.
His teacher's name is Mrs. Gunderson and she just loves Sammy's sense of humor. She "gets" him, which is so nice.
We're so proud of our Sammy and can't believe he'll be 6 in just a couple of months. Where has the time gone???
This is the table at the center of the room that was set-up by our friend at M&M Events out of Chicago. Derrick is so much fun to work with and we always look forward to his visits. Isn't that centerpiece stunning? He didn't give us a price on what that would cost to reproduce with fresh floral, but I'm guessing it would be upwards of $1,000.00. WOW! Our local florist told us the large branches in the middle at cost are $80 each and there are THREE in it. Derrick did tell us that each stem of the lily of the valley is $10. Amazing!
Friday, November 12, 2010
This is extremely hurtful to me because #1, I know it's the most important thing I will ever do in my life. And #2, I harbor a tremendous amount of guilt because I have to work a minimum of 47.5 hours per week at my job.
Of course people (including those close to me) probably don't realize I NEED to hear that I'm a good mom every so often, but my insecurities get to me and I feel like the reason no one's saying it is because it must not be true. I struggle with this just about every day.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Day 10 - Someone You Need To Let Go, Or Wish You Didn't Know
Again, with the negative topic! JEESH! I'm just going to skip this one.
Day 11 - Something People Seem To Compliment You The Most On
The physical trait people most compliment me on is my smile, which I'm sure has to do with my teeth, as mentioned in a previous post. I think as far as a character trait, I get the most compliments on my sense of humor.
But the compliment I'd MOST like to hear is that I'm a great mom. I don't think I could possibly EVER hear that enough!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Then there was Helen, this really nice lady I worked with when I was in my late 20's. It was a hotel near the Detroit Airport. Again, this is someone I mostly remember laughing with all day, someone who made going to work a true pleasure. I miss you, Helen!
But I think the person who stands out most in my mind is my friend, Michelle. We had been good friends since we were 12 years old when I transferred to her school. We remained friends through all the ups and downs of high school and into our 20's. When I got married, we didn't see each other as much but remained close. As we get older, it's not as important to see people all the time but I just knew she and I were still friends. She got married shortly after I had Owen and we always joked about when we were old widows we'd get an apartment together somewhere and argue all the time (as friends who are more like sisters often do!)
After I moved to Wisconsin, things went south quickly. It wasn't the geographical change, it was more what was going on in her life. Her marriage wasn't going well and she struggled with infertility. I'd make an effort to spend time with her when I visited family in Michigan, but she never wanted to see me if I was with my family. She confessed to me, finally, that it was "very difficult to be around kids and especially babies" since she so badly wanted one of her own. Her marriage has since ended and at 38, I'm sure it's very difficult for her to accept that she's not at all where she wanted to be in her life. I stopped making an effort to reach out to her and we haven't spoken in over a year.
I've felt so hurt by this. As my friend, shouldn't she have put aside her own feelings and be happy for me that I have a family? I'm certain we would still be friends if I were still single, but I can't put my own dreams on hold just because she is unable to fulfill hers. Anyway, it's very sad because we had been friends for 20 years and now we casually ask mutual acquaintances about each other, but neither of us reach out directly.
I've thought about sending her a Christmas card this year (with my kids' faces blocked out, of course) just to let her know I'm thinking about her and wish her all the best. What do you think?
Monday, November 8, 2010
On a more positive (?) note, Owen has his first crush. Last night he confessed to me that he "loves" Hannah. I met this girl briefly a couple weeks ago, but don't really remember much about her. I asked him what he loves about her and he told me she's very nice, that when he had to sit in the principal's office during recess she gave him a handkerchief. What for, I asked? "For the tears...that was REALLY nice." I agree!
I thought it would be so hard to see my boys start to have an interest in girls and I'm sure there will be times I struggle with it. But if a girl at school wipes Owen's tears when I can't, I'm all for it! Thank you to all the moms out there who have daughters and are raising them to be kind and to wipe my sons' tears. I, in turn, will try my best to raise sons who don't cause your daughters any tears. (Tall order, but I'll give it my best shot!)
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Day 6: One Thing You Hope You Never Have To Do
Any mother will say the thing they hope they never have to do is outlive their child and of course that's true for me to. But I'm a huge wimp and will also say I hope I never have to see any of my kids really sick. Even if they live through a bad sickness, I just don't know how I would be able to deal with them being in pain and not be able to help them. I also don't want to have to deal with anyone in the medical profession on that level, as I'm not a fan. (sorry if that offends anyone, I just don't trust doctors.)
Day 7: Someone Who Makes Your Life Worth Living
Again, as a mother the predictable answer here would be to say my kids and that's true. But how boring is that answer? So I'm going to look beyond that obvious statement and think about someone else who makes my life worth living: ME!
My mom and I talk about this all the time, how Jesus said that the kingdom of heaven is within. I know that every day I have to choose and find my happiness, so I do. I'm not saying I don't have bad days (yesterday, actually, was a really bad one) but I try so hard to be a positive person and barrel through all the CRAP and just focus on the fun things along the way. My brother says you have to have the "hide of a rhino" to get through this life and that's probably true. But there are also so many wonderful people and things out there that make it worthwhile and all I have to do is look a little to find them.
But I will admit, having these four little guys helps a lot. They find fun in every day, too...
I have a whiteboard here over the computer in the kitchen and every week I put a quote on it. The quotes come from this little book, "Timeless Wisdom - A Treasury of Universal Truths." The quote this week is by that awesome poet lauriet, "Anonymous."
Cherish your yesterdays,
Dream your tomorrows,
But live your todays!
With that, I leave you to live MY today. It's going to be 60 and sunny and the Packers are playing tonight. Happy Sunday to all!
Friday, November 5, 2010
For all those SAHM's out there, know how LUCKY you are. Yes, it's a hard job but it's soooo worthwhile and you'll never regret being able to spend that time with your kids when they're young.
I'm hatching a plan to hopefully be able to make this a reality for me fairly soon and in time to at least be there for William and Luke when they are babies. Wish me luck!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Therefore, I will gloss over the more serious issues I've had and instead tell you that I need to forgive my neighbor for letting her dog out to bark at 4:30am. For the past several weeks I've woken up to this barking dog at 5:30am and been very irritated by that, but this morning when it was 4:30am I was BEYOND angry. Then my blood pressure went up and I found it hard to get back to sleep even after she let the dog back in the house.
This is the same neighbor I had the conflict with last year regarding her daughter's lack of attention to detail when babysitting. Remember this post? Anyway, I'm trying to figure out if I should say something to her or just let it go. This particular dog is quite old and blind, so I don't think I'll have to put up with it THAT much longer. I'm generally a pacifist so I probably won't say anything. Anyway, I guess I need to forgive her for being so inconsiderate to ALL her neighbors, not just me.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
I think the one thing I have to forgive myself for is not being able to spend enough time with my kids. My heart aches every day because I can't be there for them when they get off the school bus or to make dinner for them while they're doing their homework. I know being a stay at home mom would definitely have its ups and downs, but at least at the end of my life I would know I spent my time on earth doing something incredibly worthwhile. Being here at work, I don't feel that way at all. I already regret all the hours spent here, even if they do pay the bills.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
#1 - Something You Hate About Yourself
I don't normally use the word "hate" and have taught my boys not to use it either, but I guess if I could change one thing about myself it would be my competitive/jealous nature. I struggle with it a lot because I miss out on being happy for others when something goes well for them. I am very guilty of trying to "keep up with the Jones'" and that's led to a lot of heartache. I do try to remember that everyone has their own cross to bear and focus, instead, on the many blessings in my life.
#2 - Something You Love About Yourself
First of all, I absolutely love that I'm a mom. So many of my friends have struggled with infertility so I know I'm incredibly blessed to have four healthy boys.
I want to sneak in a 2nd thing I do love about myself: my teeth. They are so strong and straight and they certainly have served me well (perhaps a little too well, at times! ha ha!)
Monday, November 1, 2010
When we got home, Owen took off his Michael Jackson wig right away because it was itchy. William, who up until then had had to wear that silly little blanket as his "hair", was thrilled to take it from him. He immediately laid face down on the floor and did a scary "rising from the grave" routine while singing "Thriller." He slept in the wig and wore it at breakfast this morning, too. He's so funny and entertaining!
I'm trying to avoid the candy but we'll see how long that lasts. I really need to bring it into work, where I'm sure a pack of ravenous wolves (my co-workers) will devour it in no time flat!