Thursday, January 28, 2010

Just Venting

Ok, so I had this situation this week with my neighbor and I just have to write about it in hopes I will get all the anger and frustration out of my system. Bear with me...

The lady across the street is single with a teenage daughter, Angeline. Since moving in 3 years ago, I had Angeline babysit for the boys on and off. When I changed jobs in spring of 2008, the babysitting gig became a lot more lucrative since I was doing weddings and had to work almost every Saturday when Chris works, too. I think I probably paid Angeline about $2k that summer, which is quite a bit for a 15 year old. At that time, she was watching a 4 year old, 3 year old and 8-9 month old. I believe that I was so busy I probably didn't notice whether or not she was doing a good or bad job at babysitting - I know, I'm a horrible mom for not paying more attention. But with no family out here and not a lot of options for affordable childcare, I was just happy when she was available. There were a few times she wasn't and I had to scramble, but overall it seemed to be a good arrangement, particularly since her mother was right across the street if there was an emergency.

Over the past 3 years I have also developed a rather friendly relationship with the mother. She approached me about planning the "1st Annual" neighborhood block party last summer and we had fun doing it, deciding it was such a success that we were going to also pair up to do a neighborhood-wide rummage sale this spring as well as an annual Christmas cookie exchange at the holidays. She and I were in email contact pretty frequently and I considered her a friend.

It was last summer that I started to notice that Angeline was VERY reluctant to change William's diapers. It got to the point where I was counting diapers before I'd leave in the morning and coming home to the same number in the drawer at night - yes, 8+ hours in the SAME DIAPER! I confronted Angeline regarding this, asking her if it was too much for her to care for the 3 kids. She said no and I explained why I'd asked. I then told her that to help her remember all she's supposed to do, I would write out a timeline of everything before I left. So after three years of babysitting for me, this is what I did because I really wanted to continue having her watch the kids. The last day she babysat for me was August 8, 2009. I had a large wedding that day and was about 36 weeks pregnant. Despite the written timeline, when Chris came home he found William in his pajamas with a DIRTY DIAPER! He asked Angeline if she had changed his diaper when she put him in his pajamas and she said "I forgot."

Now if this had been me as a teenager and I would have truly forgotten to change that diaper, I would have jumped up at that point and changed it before I left, knowing it was part of my job for the day. She didn't do that. She just collected her check and left. I knew that would be the last time I would use her "services."

After my maternity leave, I approached the other neighbor girl, Ally, about babysitting for me. She is 15 and LOVES babies! Additionally, the kids absolutely adore her and so do I. So I tried her out and the very first day I had her babysit, I was sitting with a client when I received the following text message from Angeline: "You f-ing liar! You do coke!" Of course I was ENRAGED that this 16 year old would send me such a text, immediately assuming it was because I had another girl babysitting for me! But I cooled my heels until Monday and then sent a matter-of-fact email to her mother telling her about it. The mother told me it couldn't have possibly been meant for me and trotted Angeline over to apologize to me a few nights later. Angeline claimed that not only was the text not for me, it wasn't even her but rather some guy who had just "gotten a hold of her phone." Yeah, right. She may have had her mother snowed, but I didn't believe a word of it. I was further convinced that I had made the right choice in finding other babysitting arrangements.

So the day came this week when Angeline's mom emailed me asking me if I had any upcoming dates for Angeline to babysit. I was sick of sneaking around and feeling like I had done something wrong, so I just came out with it that Ally was doing some babysitting and the kids really like her so no, I wouldn't need Angeline anymore. The mother was immediately PISSED at me. After I explained the situation with the diapers and how I had talked directly to her daughter about it TWICE last summer, she STILL chose to put all the blame on ME for not telling Angeline I was having Ally babysit from now on. Of course the mother also does not believe for one second that Angeline wasn't changing the baby's diaper, but then how can she explain me making a change like this after 3 years of her daughter babysitting for me? Now the mother has basically told me she wants nothing more to do with me or any of the neighborhood activities we had planned. I just told her that I'm sorry if she feels I handled things inappropriately and that I was just trying to avoid a conflict.

What I WANTED to tell her is that she has a lot of MISDIRECTED ANGER and that it's not my fault her daughter BLEW IT! Now that I have TWO babies in diapers, isn't it my responsibility as a mother to find the BEST care possible? I don't OWE her or her daughter ANYTHING! That girl never babysat because she loved my kids or anything - she was just in it for the paycheck for doing NOTHING all day! It's very frustrating for me to have this sort of conflict because I really do try to get along with everyone and in this particular situation, I truly did my best to avoid any hurt feelings. Was I in the wrong??? Please, someone explain to me how this could possibly be MY fault???



great ...........................................................

Sara said... totally did the right thing!!! I would have been outraged that she wasn't changing diapers, and would probably have stopped using her then. And truly the mom is probably embarrassed...I know I would be!
It is so hard not to have family close. You are a great mom...don't second guess yourself!! XOXO